This is what I thought when I saw the title of the next CG lesson. “When You Are Not Excited About God’s House“. I have to write about this?
If thoughts can have font styles, then mine was in bold. There’s a reason why the title of this blog is just so, and that is because these are the strongest swear words that I can come up with these days, and I was certainly led to say them when I read what I was supposed to be teaching today.
Goodness gracious. Today Lord, of all days, you want me to impart to Your people about finding the heart to be excited about setting out, being sent, and building anew? You expect me to impart complete obedience and a heart at peace in the midst of internal turmoil and confusion? You call upon me to be strong, to reject my fear, to swallow all my questions, even as they race around and around in my head chasing each other head to tail? Even now my heart is being squeezed by a slowly tightening vise, and my stomach is being seasoned with dark green lemons, the sour little acid drops swirling away down there and making it hard to breathe.
And He answered me, “Yes.” He said, “If you can write ten thousand words in your other blog about the silly little mundane thoughts in your head, then you can write one hundred thousand words here about how much you love me.”
He spoke to me that I was created this way for a reason; that the steely resolve that I have lived on for so long has never been my own, and that now is the time to find out if that privilege will continue to be mine to enjoy. He told me that living with such pent up emotions is bound to break me soon, and I will have to find a way to let it out, and He will help me, and He will allow me my release in the gentlest of manners. He said that I should use my bottled up passions for the good of His Kingdom, and that He is calling upon me to speak in His name and for His glory. If I was going to be passionate, then be passionate for Him, He said.
If I was going to be allowed to talk the talk, then I was going to have to walk the walk. So there.
Ok then. Let’s start walking.