I went to Edinburgh, Scotland last weekend, via the train service from Aberdeen. I’ve been in Scotland for a week by then, carefully laying aside any thoughts of missing home, or my Singapore family, knowing that wallowing in misery won’t really do any good, and doing a really good job of it. I’ve always been able to tamp down my emotions when I need to, the downside being I sometimes have a hard time calling them up again when I need them.
Anyway, there I was, newly arrived in Edinburgh after a 3 hour train ride, mildly confused (uncharacteristically, I just went there without doing any prior research), a little scared (it was a big city, and I was a stranger and a foreigner), and feeling smaller than usual (I am in a continent of giants after all), when in the distance I heard this:
“Your grace is enough, more than I need
At Your Word I will believe”
It was very faint. I almost thought it was just in my head, like some vaguely remembered last song syndrome I know I am prone to having.
But it persisted, and I finally recognized it as coming from outside.
And I ran to it, feeling the need welling up within me, recognizing hunger that had nothing to do with food, and thirst that had nothing to do with water.
“I wait for You, draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new”
I swept up the steps of Waverly train station, not knowing what it looked like up there, not knowing what to expect at all. At the top was a big busy street, and there were lots of people walking around. I looked from left to right, one end of the road to the next, thinking with despair that it might have been a passing vehicle with the sounds blaring, that I might have missed it.
But then I heard it again. Off to the left, and very near to the station it turned out.
“And I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here”
I speed walked as quickly as I could to the source of the song, dodging people left and right. I couldn’t wait to get there, couldn’t wait to see who it was singing, couldn’t wait to get closer and worship as well.
“Your presence in me, Jesus light the way
By the power of Your Word
I am restored, I am redeemed
By Your Spirit I am free”
It turned out to be a local church, and it was an evangelism drive. Probably for the Easter service the next day. It was in this open area like a plaza. A band was playing the song. I got out my camera and filmed a video of them.
Noticing all these details was just me on auto-pilot. My heart was bursting with emotion, and my mind was doing it’s best to hold it in, as usual.
But then again, who am I to hold back spiritual fervor? What defenses do I have, and why should I even have them, against the torrential wave of awe that overcame me just then?
“And I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here”
And I did.
I tried to walk away at first, truth be told. I saw the visitor center beyond the plaza, and I saw the castle, and I saw the shops that I new I should visit while I was there. I saw all these, started to walk toward them, but felt myself being pulled back, and I let myself be pulled back, thank the Lord God.
I looked for a place to sit, and I just cried and cried.
“Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love, poured out for all
This is our God”
I cried because it would be Easter Sunday the next day, and I don’t know where I would celebrate it. I cried because I had missed Good Friday service in Nexus church. I cried because I wanted my friends there with me to experience what I was experiencing, see what I was seeing. I cried because I was tired, and I didn’t know how to rest. I cried because He died for our sins. I cried because on top of everything else, all the blessing He has given me, I felt He was giving me this moment as an Easter gift. I cried because I was His daughter, and I miss Him.
“Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King, rescued the world
This is our God”
I cried until the end of the song, and just when I thought I was over myself, they played the next one.
“A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in Your grace”
Goodness gracious it was From the Inside Out. And I was off again T_T
I don’t know how long I sat there, crying and praying. They played This is our God again several times, as well as some songs I didn’t know. When I finally got up I felt refreshed and restored. Quenched.
I felt as if the day was being handed to me on an upturned bowl of blue sky and sunshine. I knew I was going to be safe for the rest of the day, and that no harm would come to me. Somehow, it was as if He had given me permission to go and enjoy myself.
So I did ^^_
“And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise!
From the inside out, oh my soul cries out
Lord!”