Anyone can be courteous. Anyone can be polite. But it takes real concern to be warm. That comes from the heart. It takes a real care for the fellow man to radiate a genuine concern in their well being; to show that one actually cares about another one’s comfort and what happens to them.
In a conversation, this comes out when the people talking have a two way discourse, asking about each other and actually eager to listen to the response. When it is only one person telling a story all throughout, it becomes more of a monologue rather than the dialogue that it’s supposed to be.
Some people do this so often and so naturally that it is unfortunately second nature to them. Without realizing it, instead of actively listening to the other person as they are talking, they are mentally preparing for the next statement, getting their own words ready instead of paying actual attention to the other party.
That’s why the phrase in the title tends to irk rather than to reassure. Say it often enough, and it loses it’s meaning. It’s become such a tiresome statement that more often than not it implies the opposite of what it is ostensibly declaring.
“I hear you,” followed by the all the ways that the other person is wrong is not “hearing” the other person at all.
“I hear you,” followed by the ten step program of suggested processes and ways that can address the other person’s concern is not helpful if it wasn’t a conversation that was asking for help in the first place.
“I hear you,” followed by a pitying look and a hurried furtive glance down to the wristwatch is the least helpful of all.
Words are powerful, and they are also free to use by anyone. Their value lies in the content, and the intent.
Anyone can be polite. It takes real love to care.
