It’s not that I want to be self-important, but I deserve better than how you treated me. I deserve an explanation. I deserve a sincere apology from you.
Which I have never really gotten. You are inexplicably, confoundingly unremorseful over what you did.
So no, you don’t get the casual me. You don’t get the fun, lighthearted me. I’m still those people. It’s just that you don’t have access to those personalities.
I’m not withholding out of bitterness. I’m not being petty or melodramatic.
On the contrary, it’s very difficult for me to say no to you, just like always, just like before. I still like you. I’m still married to you. I’m still attracted to you.
And I have to remember that those feelings are not mutual.
We are apart because of you and what you did. It changed my entire life. But it did not change who I am.
I am still casual, fun, lighthearted. I am still bright, witty, capable. I am still strong, willing, self-sufficient. But those sides are not accessible to you. Anymore.
And now I want to be selfish. With my time, which is a finite resource. With my attention, which is considerable. And with my devotion, which you had at one time. In heaps.