I didn’t get hungry today. At all.
There were hunger pangs in the morning. But nothing I couldn’t handle. A gnawing of the stomach. A growling in my belly. All very familiar and manageable.
My body knows well enough that all of it will be ignored unless the brain or the head is involved, and so I did have a headache in the mid afternoon. It was fine. I had some bread.
Literally, I took some tasteless multi grain bread, and softened it with bitter coffee in my mouth until I could swallow it without gagging.
This is… not the worst. My appetite is suppressed, but so is everything else. I don’t feel much of anything. And God knows I’ve been praying to feel nothing for so long.
“Nothing” is better than “fine”. “Fine” is still a four letter word.
It sounds dire, but it’s not. “Nothing” can be chill. “Nothing” can be calm, and pacified, and still.
Sometimes we have to be satisfied to just achieve equanimity.
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?
Matthew 6:25 NLT
(Someone asked me what I was having for dinner, and my first thought was, “Self pity soup followed by a medium rare done slice of regret, with a freshly made sorrow on the side.” I didn’t tell them that, but I thought it. I am the brightest. And the wriest.)
