This morning I was a bit worse than yesterday. I woke up at 8AM after a very very bad dream. It came straight from the devil, that dream. It was a dream about some very big and very real hurts in my past that I still haven’t forgotten until now, and is the very reason that I deliberately made my heart as hard as stone so that I would never hurt like that again.
Given that, I didn’t think I would summon enough concentration to read the Daily Devotion immediately. I still have some residual bitterness in my heart from that awful dream. I decided I would do it during my walk to the office, which a considerably long one, 10 minutes at the very least, on a very quiet road. I went through my morning routine, and when I got off the bus, I immediately took out the text for the day, and read it as I was walking. I was used to this. I usually have a book to read on that road, so I thought it would work.
Full disclosure though, it didn’t work as well as it did yesterday. I knew that it was supposed to be read during a quiet time in the morning, with as little distractions as possible, but even though there was no one else on the road as I was reading it, I was not as focused in the reading as I was yesterday morning. It was only in my second reading that the meaning sunk in, and of course it was applicable again. The sense I got out of it was that the Word of God will eventually break down even the most strongly fortified walls (in this case it was Jericho).
Beebee told me yesterday, in response to my text message that she read my mind last Sunday, that it wasn’t her, that it was God acting through her. I guess that also means that these texts aren’t really reading my mind. It’s God’s way of communicating, and it’s just that I’m listening again after a long long time, which is why it still feels so unfamiliar to me until now.
I closed my mind for so long to these words and these thoughts and these feelings, and now it’s so very hard to just open up and let it rush through me.
