someone mentioned that there’s this new burger outlet, the one we liked, the one we sought out that one time when I researched and you almost didn’t want to come, I had to convince you, and we went and it was so so good and I had a good time and I didn’t know that even then you were already having second thoughts and that’s why you maybe didn’t want to come but anyway the point is that you were the still the one I thought of asking to come to this burger place that we liked because this is our thing, this was our thing, looking for new foods to try and having that shared experience, or was that all in my head, maybe it was just all in my head, maybe it was just my thing and you happened to be around, or maybe you tried to convince yourself for the longest time that it was also your thing, but it really wasn’t, you were just trying to keep up with me, until finally it became too much, but anyway, you were still the one I thought of asking, and it was painful, and it’s a reminder that when it was good it very good, but at the same time, what I thought of as good times probably weren’t for you because of the burden you were carrying, and it’s frustrating because you didn’t have to, you were the only thinking, judging, condemning all along, and I will never know why you did that, why you are built that way, and why you don’t want to change, and anyway that’s what happened this morning
this is called a mini panic attack a small anxiety attack thing that hitch in your heart that catch in your throat that flutter in your stomach that unsettling slight drop that you feel like you were turned around and upside down a little bit when you read the above and thought damnnn you were really deep in that dark dark place right do you remember do you recall how it was you almost couldn’t breathe maybe that’s why you’re having the heart problems now no that’s for sure why you have a physical heart problem now imagine being that broken for so long and even now when you read things like the above when you remember when you recall and you’re still having mini panic attacks