I miss my husband.
I miss the way he would get up early in the morning, even though he didn’t have to, just to make me breakfast and lunch. The food was a bonus; even when there was just coffee, or even when we ran out of coffee, his presence was what I loved most of all. I loved the way he would walk me to elevator, and sometimes all the way to the train, just because.
I miss the way we would joke about me touching him, being crazy about him. I miss our banter. He would have comments that come out of nowhere, and ideas that I would never have thought of.
He surprises me every day, with new ways to look at things, things that make me laugh unexpectedly. And sometimes, things that make me annoyed, but that’s part of it, part of what makes up him.
When he did things for me, it made me feel so loved, so safe, so taken care of in a way that I have never been. People around you are a manifestation of God’s love, and my husband was greatly used by God to let me know, in a real way, in a tangible way, that He loves me.
I miss hugging him! Touching him, smushing myself up against him. I don’t know if he liked it as much as I did.
I miss holding his hand when we were out. I miss hugging his arm. I miss buying groceries with him, and eating out. And just taking walks.
When he’s working on something, or thinking about something, especially something creative, I look at him and wonder how that mind works. His mind fascinates me, because he knows so many things, and can remember even the smallest details.
My husband likes to tinker, enjoys finding things out, pursues projects with a passion. When a mind is active like that, you can’t help but admire.
I used to run my hands over some part of him, letting my palms and fingers feel as much as they can. It was part, “I can’t believe this is my husband”, and part, “this skin, this muscle, is really so wonderfully made that I can’t help but touch”.
I miss my husband.