Here I am again, writing about fasting, it will never be not fascinating to me. And that’s a good thing. Because it means that it can still be new to me every time – the experience and the emotions. I still get affected. I still get the feels. This time I went for the full fast for lunch, ingesting nothing but water in the duration. It was reasonable choice. It’s abstinence, giving up one meal that I need to get me through the day, and trusting that God will strengthen me nonetheless. But it’s not shallow or simply penitential. It’s not a simple meal to give up. But at the same time, it’s not self flagellation either.
And I would never mistake it for a diet because really, what would skipping one meal do for me.
Famous last words, those.
So. The first day went well. I skipped eating for lunch, offered up a prayer instead, equated my hunger with an emptiness that can only be filled with the Holy Spirit, and etcetera, etcetera.
But on the second day, things got… weird.
On the afternoon of the second day I started to lose my eyesight. Or at least it felt like it. My vision got blurry, and images on the computer monitor sort of swam around. It started on the white areas of the screen, and then carried over to my general vision if I spent some time staring at it. It was like looking at the middle of a brilliantly lit up diamond, the way that those precious stones are portrayed in media sometimes. Everything within that corona of brilliance got lost in the jumble.
I was in a low key panic.
There weren’t any headaches that I could feel, no nausea or anything like that. Just the very blurry, very shimmery vision.
I went to the clinic, and after a short session, the doctor gave me a letter to go to an ophthalmologist the very next day.
And so off I went, first thing in the morning the following day. My vision was fine when I left the house, thank God. I went through a series of eye tests, with machines that I have never seen before. All were non-invasive and non-painful. And I passed them all, according to the doctor there. He said there didn’t seem to be anything wrong as far as he could tell.
And then around lunch time, the “brilliance” came again. I was almost about to leave the specialist’s office when it happened, so I asked him to check it one more time.
And still there was nothing. The more I described it though, the more he formed his diagnosis. Apparently I was having a migraine aura without the headache. It’s uncommon, but it exists. And I was one of the very few to have them.
And the reason for them coming? Fasting. Skipping that one meal. The one I thought was going to be “easy”.
I spent a thousand dollars, more or less, to find out that at this age, I can’t just assume anything about my body. That, as with everything, I have to lay it down before God and ensure that every decision is guided by Him and directed by Him. That fasting, in any form, is not to be taken lightly, nor taken for granted. That this temple of God, set aside for Him, deserves the best possible care, the best possible attention, because it is God-created and God-stewarded.
I am still going to fast as the Spirit leads. I believe that option, that discipline is still open to me.
Thank God for the lesson. Hopefully it won’t cost as much next time.
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