Today I start with the Daily Devotion texts that Rosette gave me. I woke up at 8AM to read it, earlier than I was used to, but still not as early as I had planned, which was 7AM. Rosette said to start with a prayer, and I did, or tried to at least. I was so frustrated with the fact that I really don’t know how to pray. I can churn out requirements specifications documents just like that, I can generate database perspectives like nobody’s business, I can write reaction papers and fluff articles and simple lines of poetry, but I _do not know how to pray_. Which told me far too much than I wanted to realize at that time.
But I tried. I constructed simple sentences in my head, tested them for grammatical correctness, and tried to reach out to God. Tried. If I was a lighter or a matchstick at that point, I would have been one that produced some scratching sounds when struck, but did not even produce one spark, let alone a flame. I really tried, but it still didn’t feel like prayer to me. Sure, I spoke to God, and sure I knew that he was listening, even while I still making the draft of the prayer in my head I knew he was listening. But it didn’t really feel like prayer to me. Not like the prayer that I knew those more blessed around me can do.
So I went ahead and read the text. And I was more than a bit amazed that it was about prayer. It was about the importance of prayer in our lives, and that real prayer comes from the heart. That it is not ‘carefully worded prayers’ but rather the pure and raw sentiments coming straight from a faithful soul. During my first reading of the text I was still a bit amazed by the coincidence of what I was going through before reading. I read it again, and I understood it. But I was still a bit frustrated. Just like with some aspects of my work, I know enough to know that I don’t know enough. And unlike my work, I don’t want to simply know this! I want to feel it in my heart. I want it to get through my admittedly thick skull.
I’ll try it again tomorrow, and see what happens then.
think of your close friend, one that you can be yourself totally. you can scream, shout, made a fool, cry… yet she still accepts you.
thus God wants your friendship. who you are, in your goods, bads, weakness, strength…
moses bargain with God, david expressed his frustation and anger, many of us exhibit our fears and ignorance.
that can be a prayer. the simplest prayer come from a child. learn from them.
the purest prayer come from the heart.