It doesn’t really go away, the pain.
It stays, lying in wait.
You are walking along, you think you are doing ok.
You are minding your business, having your coffee, doing your work.
But then one stray thought. One random image.
And then that pain DEMANDS to be felt all over again.
And then you want to break things all over again. Screaming in your head all over again. Blowing things up. With your mind. Raining down death and destruction over anything and everything. Laying waste to the world. Scorched earth. Nuclear holocaust.
And you say to yourself, it’s fine. This is fine. You’re in the middle of a burning building, and it’s fine. You’re sitting in a boat with a hole at the bottom, but it’s fine. You’re trapped in the seat of an airplane that’s plunging to the ground, but it’s absolutely fine.
It feels like forever when it’s happening, but really it’s just a blip in time. A short moment of disorientation when the floor shifts from under you, just a little bit, just enough to slip. Just enough to stumble. If you let yourself.
But you catch yourself just in the time, and suddenly you really are fine. In the true sense of the word.
That blasted word.
I’m fine.
This is good. I am fine.